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que sara sara

Friday, October 07, 2005
ill at ease
i hate the state that i'm in right now.

i feel that there's so many things being out of my control. sch wise, all my projs are not even close to being started proper. crap! and for certain course, my group is not progressing at all. and i'm worried. i never like to leave things till the very last min although i'd like to think that i'm capable of trying to do the work within that time frame. i'm tired of trying to push/initiate/force pp into doing work and am frustrated when they're not doing. granted, i may have slacked off at some point of time but it sucks that other groups have alr done so much and we have nothing to show for.

i'm seriously worried for MA and biz law. i could understand the concepts yet when it comes to assignments and tests, i feel completely lost. there yet not there. so what am i missing? this whole crap abt independent learning is my responsibility for myself. how am i expected to be responsible when i'm still groping in the dark at this very moment? on one hand, i feel that i should not panic cos afterall, whatever we learn will be assessed based on our own profs' standards. on the other hand, i hate the fact that everything is so bloody uncertain.

it breaks my heart that certain things are the way they are now. sometimes, i wish i had the courage of deviating from the norm and hate myself for not being able to do so.

honestly, i think i'll eventually end up killing myself some point of time. it seems so foolish of me to cling on to the hope that things have not changed when i know it's time for me to let go.
Posted at 6:48 PM